Don't Miss You At All
by k.o.soul7
Summary: It's LP of course. Lucas tries to convince himself that he does not in any way miss Peyton and some would say he fails. Takes place before Lucas's wedding day to Lindsey. My first story but trust that it's way better than the summary!


Okay so idea just kinda came to me and I had to put it down on paper. It's Leyton and everything until the end of season 4 can be taken into account. Everything up until 511 has happened meaning Luke is engaged to she who shall not be named but Haley hasn't told him not to marry Lindsey. It's my first ever fan fiction so yea, hope u enjoy. Go easy on me…

Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill, if I did, Chad and Hilarie would still be on the show and there wouldn't be that many annoying randoms to replace them (eventhough season 8 isn't half bad compared to the monstrosity we call season 7). I also don't own the song "Don't Miss You At All", it is property of the amazing Norah Jones (give it a listen, it's an amazing song)

Quote of the day:

Peyton: It didn't mean anything.

Lucas: It didn't?

Peyton: Of course it did.

**As I sit and watch the snow falling down, I don't miss you at all.**

I didn't miss her. I really didn't miss her but no one believed me. Or so Lucas Scott kept telling himself. He didn't miss her, he just remembered her. Like the very first time he saw Peyton Sawyer with her green eyes and tangled mess of hair. She looked beautiful then and probably always would in his eyes. But she was with his (then) ass of a brother Nathan. Even when they started whatever it is they had in junior year it always felt like they could never get on the same page in their relationship. She kissed him then ran away scared. So he kissed Brooke instead then slept with Nicci. He was ashamed so he skipped town for like a day, came back. She got involved with drugs and then everything with Jake went down. He got back together with Brooke, Jake left her heartbroken and then there was that summer. Oh, how he remembered that summer.

_Without knocking Lucas entered the sanctuary otherwise called Peyton's room. He should've knocked because when he entered he found her dripping wet with only a towel around her. Damn, he thought, he seriously should've knocked (although he's kinda glad he didn't)_

"_Oh my god Luke, what the hell! Why didn't you knock?"_

"_Because…um…"he was having a hard time keeping his eyes focused on her face "…you're always blasting music?"_

"_Yeah, nice try. Eyes up here buddy, actually get out Scott, I need to get dressed"_

_Lucas tried to lighten the mood by making a joke "Well… you don't have to do that"_

"_Lucas, I'm serious! Get out!" _

"_Alright, alright, I'll be in the kitchen…"_

_Peyton felt so embarrassed as she felt her cheeks redden. Why did she always let him get under her skin? And why did he look good in just an old pair of jeans and a blue shirt? Whatever I was still upset about Jake so I pushed those thoughts aside but I couldn't help but lately start to notice the effect Luke had on me again. It was like I was hyperaware of him. I didn't really know what to do about that so I decided to brush it aside instead._

_Later that day they found themselves on the beach and after she took her shirt off leaving herself in only a bikini she felt his heated gaze again. "So I see you still can't keep your eyes up here huh?" she joked._

_This time Lucas was the one who turned a shade of pink "Harde har ha! Very funny" he decided to ignore and take his shirt off only to find her trying to steel glances. "Hmm, now who can't keep their eyes on my face?"_

"_Whatever Luke, you know if you don't stop with the wandering eyes I may just have to end our friendship," she teased._

"_You wouldn't dare." He challenged._

"_Oh yeah? And why not"_

"_Because," he responding while coming closer, "I know where you're ticklish."_

"_Lucas no!" She said taking a step backward._

"_What Peyton, you backing down now?"_

"_No."_

"_You sure?" he said coming closer._

"_Yep."_

"_Why's that?"_

"_Because you're gonna have to catch me first!" and with that she took off sprinting kicking up sand everywhere._

"_Oh, I will" he said determinedly to no one in particular. He chased her around for a while, her squealing the whole time even when he caught her and tickled her senseless._

"_Pl...eas…e st…op!" she sputter out in-between her laughter._

"_Not until you say that I'm 'the awesomest, strongest, hottest man you've ever met'"_

"_What!" she protested. She refused to boost his already high ego. Even though everything he wanted her to say was true. He didn't have to know that. But he would not stop tickling her so she surrendered. "Okay fine, you're the awesomest, strongest hottest man I've ever met"_

"_Thank you. See that wasn't so hard was it" he said while gently putting her down and taking a seat on the beach next to her._

"_It really was. You know Luke it won't do you any good if you keep getting me to lie to you like this." She teased._

"_Ha! You know you want me." He said._

"_Mmhmm sure. I want you I need you, oh baby, oh baby" she said deadpan_

"_Ouch, Peyton, that hurts me. Right here" he said while pointing to his heart._

_She laughed out loud at that one. God, how I loved how she laughed with her whole body. It wasn't timid or shy it was like a loud giggle/ cackle that she wasn't ashamed of in the least. _That I remembered.

"Lucas, you have to stop doing this to yourself" his best friend Haley gently told him pushing him from his memories. "It's okay to miss her but you have to accept that she's gone"

**I hear children playing, laughing so loud. I don't think of your smile.**

_I remembered the smile she reserved only for me. It was the day we had that hugely epic, cookie dough battle. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she made so many cookies for me, my favourite snack. Well that and the fact that she thought that a pinch of salt was a handful. It was in that moment that I realised that I could see her with flour on her face and cookie dough in her hair, baking for our blonde haired, green eyed kids. I could see her walking to me in a white dress and I could see her screaming at the top of her lungs during labour. I could see it all. In that moment, within that beautiful smile. So I told her so and she answered with a kiss. I guess you could say she felt the same. That someday she'd want the same things. _

**So if you never come to me. You'll stay a distant memory.**

Someday. It's funny how when you get down to the grain of that word you wouldn't think that it could hurt someone as badly as it can. When someone says it, you think of an event or moment that will indeed happen sometime in the future. In some instances it can sound like a sweet promise of things to come and in others it can sound like the beginning of a bittersweet goodbye. When Peyton Sawyer uttered those words to Lucas Scott she intended for them to come out as the former. She wasn't saying that they shouldn't get married; she was just saying that they had so much time and needed to find themselves before they could seek out each other. She felt him pulling back and knew that he was listening but he didn't really hear her. To Lucas, that word broke his heart. Someday. It was like she was saying no, that she didn't want to be with him and apparently didn't share the same feelings that he did. That reason alone seemed like it was enough for him so he left the mix he made her because he didn't need any reminders of songs that made him think of her, she was already everywhere he looked. He kissed her forehead for the last time and walked away. A year later he put himself out there again and invited her to his book signing. She sounded so happy for him over the phone. It made him feel like someday was going to be that day. That she was finally ready. That's why when she didn't come or send a text or give me a call telling me the reason why, I let her go and went out with Lindsey; pushing thoughts of Peyton Sawyer to the recesses of my mind.

**Out my window I see lights going dark; your dark eyes don't haunt me.**

When she came back into town Lucas felt her presence, the air moved differently, everyone did. Time seem to have stopped when they locked eyes on the Rivercourt but then Lucas remembered Lindsey just before she could get too close, even though for his heart, she already was. "I have someone." He told her.

"Oh," was the only response she could think of. Brooke kept insisting that she came back for Lucas but she didn't, she came back for herself. She didn't miss him. Sure she held so much remembrance for him and thought of him every now and then but she didn't break up with Julian because of him. She broke up with Julian because she always carried Lucas with her, in her heart (and her handbag); he was the one that got away. So she would always try and steel glances at him. God, it was like high school all over again except he wasn't with Brooke, he was with Lindsey. Sometimes he would catch her eye and she slowly found himself waiting to bask in those moments. When blue met green because as corny as it was there was something so amazing about his eyes.

It's funny how the same thing could be said about her and her emerald green eyes. It was like she saw right through all his crap with Lindsey that's why he tried not to get caught up in those eyes but in Lindsey's instead. Her brown eyes that weren't as judgemental didn't see right through him and only knew what he would let her. Did her brown eyes not see through his denial as much as everyone else's did or did they just try to ignore what everyone but Lucas saw?

**And then I wonder who I am without the warm touch of your hands.**

He kissed her back then he kissed her again. Why he kept asking himself over and over again he really didn't know. All he knew was that she said she came back for him and that she still loved him and for her his lack of response was reason enough to take a leap of faith and kiss him. So why did I kiss her back? Oh right I remember it was because it felt exactly the way it used to and never in my life could I not kiss Peyton Sawyer back despite who I was with at the time. It was always going to be there but even if it was then why did I give Keith's ring to Lindsey that same night instead? But why was he even thinking of these things now, it was too late, it was the night before his wedding to Lindsey. That thought didn't stop him from sneaking out of the house…

Lindsey telling me that "Lucas proposed" made my world stop. My heart hurt so bad it felt like it was literally crushing me but I did what I had to do and let him go regardless. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, still is. I can still feel him everywhere in the air, the way his calloused hands wondered through my hair and cupped my cheeks and caressed me. Everything felt different with him gone. That was because he was still there, everywhere I turned running his calloused hands through Lindsey's hair, cupping her cheeks for a kiss and caressing her instead. He wasn't with me anymore he was with her. God, when did I become so whiny! I seriously needed to get over this Peyton scolded herself. Just then she heard a loud rap on the door. She wondered who would even be up this late and whoever it was had better have a damn good excuse for making her get out of bed. Okay so the fact that she wasn't asleep anyway wasn't the point she just had too much on her mind to care. All that changed when she saw who it was though.

"Lucas. What are you doing here?"

"I had to come see you"

Peyton pleaded with her eyes for him to not even go there. Once he gave her an equally determined look she decided to say something.

"Look, you should probably go, wouldn't want Lindsey to worry." She said with fake concern. Lucas stood there and did nothing but stare at her for a long time.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" she spat back bitterly

"All sorts of things." He replied with a regretful look on his face.

"Lucas, you can't just come back here and repeat lines that I said to you years ago and expect them to magically make everything okay again because they won't."

"I know they won't but just let me get this out okay I need to say this. For the longest time you were it for me. You were everything I had looked for and felt lucky enough to have found. You were this unattainable girl who always pushed everyone away but then you let me in when I got to see a side of you that you didn't let anyone else see. We fell in love and got lost in each other. We were the tortured artist and the tortured athlete. You would draw and I'd read. We were meant to be. Everyone said it and I believed it with everything in me; but then I gave you a ring and you said someday and I couldn't comprehend what I did or where I went wrong so I left and took all that pride I had with me. Then you just had to come back and throw my world for a loop attacking me with books and then kissing me and then letting me go and then-"

"Is there a point to this little speech of yours Luke?" she remarked clearly a little startled but pissed off for what he said.

"Yes! If you would let me finish then I would get there a lot quicker. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted me," he said while giving her a pointed look even after she rolled her eyes, "The thing is Peyt, while I may have broken your heart, you broke mine too. And I realised that after all that we've been through I don't miss you." He watched her face fall.

"You don't, you don't miss me. Wow you came all the way over here just to tell me that?" she questioned him with hurt in her voice.

"Yeah I guess so. I don't miss the way you look at me. I don't miss the way you bit your bottom lip when you're thinking. I don't miss your sarcasm. I don't miss how grouchy you can be in the morning. I don't miss how the mood you have the whole day will depend on the first song you listen to. I don't miss how passionate you are about your art and every one you care about. I don't miss the coconut shampoo you've always used or the strawberry lip balm."

**As I sit and watch the snow falling down. I don't miss you at all**

"I don't miss you so everything that happened between us doesn't mean anything anymore."

"It doesn't?"

"Of course it does." With that Lucas Scott took a few purposeful strides cupped her cheek like he always use to and kissed her. Lindsey be damned because how could he not miss her. She was everything. As they got lost in each other he realised that maybe the first time this happened; the first time they uttered some variation of these same words he shouldn't have let it go because it was always going to be there and it would always, **always** mean something.

**I don't miss you at all.**

And yet the very next afternoon, Lucas Scott married Lindsey Strauss and Peyton Sawyer sat there and watched the whole thing because to him, although it would always mean something, it would never mean enough.

**I don't miss you at all.**

Hope u enjoyed it. Review=love so don't be shy.


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